project 52 / week 49 / exhaustion

49/52 // *the slow replacement of an inner life*

turn the page, turn away

I’m tired of the same fight,
Of the awfulness they are to each other.
I don’t have the energy left to correct it.
I have to find something else.

I’m tired of knowing what won’t happen now,
Of the plans I had carefully set aside.
I don’t have the energy to hold them.
I have to buy a new cooler.

I’m tired of waking up heart racing,
Of thoughts circling, never really leaving.
I don’t have the energy to let it go.
I have to take more sleeping pills.

I’m tired of answering the same questions,
Of lies that necessarily slip between my teeth.
I don’t have the energy to let it show.
I have to hold a prefab answer in the queue.

I’m tired of the calendar days turning over,
Of knowing each version of present and future are slipping away.
I don’t have the energy to witness it.
I have to cancel the tickets.

I’m tired of writing the same words,
Of thinking they’ll provide clarity.
I don’t have the energy to pick up the pen.
Turn the page, turn away,

From everything I was, until I wasn’t.